Boundaries are so important – especially during times of transition.
Conscious change takes commitment and action. Before we take action we often need to envision what we want and in what direction we are heading. Once we have the vision, it is inevitable that routines and schedules need to change in order to realize it.
When you begin coaching with me, I often suggest that you send out an email to all loved ones informing them of your new commitment and explaining that you may not be as available as before. It is a huge step, as it makes a declaration to yourself and your community that you are taking your life into its next chapter and that you are ready for a conscious change. It also provides a clear and direct communication with your friends and loved ones allowing them to support you.
There are a couple steps to naming boundaries:
1.) Take inventory.
Where are you wasting time and energy?
What things or people are taking your energy to a lower level? Be honest; take stock!
What do you want to be doing but never seem to have time for?
What do you keep putting off over and over again?
When are you saying “yes” when you should be saying “no”?
2.) Bring in compassion, not judgment.
Radical self-compassion is the only solution to negative self-talk and repeated self-destructive patterns. After you take inventory you may ﬁnd yourself saying things like, “Wow, will I ever change?” Or, “I have no idea how to say no.” Or even, “I never make progress.” If this is familiar, then pledge to bring in compassion, kindness, and love. What would you say to your best friend if she was being hard on herself and saying negative things? Now turn that onto yourself.
3.) Name the boundary.
Once you have taken inventory and brought in compassion, you need only now name the boundary to yourself. And here is a secret: not all boundaries need to be announced. Sometimes the most powerful boundaries are those that we name for ourselves and then keep to ourselves.